Cape Cod Alcohol and Drug Counseling and Couples Counselor
A Therapist in Mashpee MA. with A Private Practice, Evening Hours Available.

                                    Call Sandra now for Individualized Counseling
                                        Massachusetts Counselor of the Year
for 2016

                Sandra has also been awarded National Counselor of the Year at the annual NAADAC Convention

Appointments scheduled within 36 hours.......Winter hours are Mon. - Sat. 10 am to 8 pm

                       Marriage and Couples Counselor .......   Depression Counseling

Alcohol and Addiction Counselor

Sandra Farrell Marriage & Couples Counselor - Therapist

COUPLES and MARRIAGE COUNSELING
COUPLES CO-DEPENDENCY


SOMEONE TO TALK TO IN COMPLETE CONFIDENTIALITY


What is Marriage Counseling

Are you looking to improve your relationships, but don't know how ? People often come to couples therapy without the benefit of knowing what a healthy relationship really is. They don't know how to express anger, sadness and disappointment without attacking their partner or trying to extract guilt. Couples therapy becomes the place to untangle all the things that you might have been told were acts of love, but were in fact acts of criticism, judgment, harshness, coldness or self-preservation. It is the place to learn healthy love. Couples can learn real skills to improve their communication, build trust, increase intimacy, and generally sustain a strong and loving relationship


 Do you recognize any of the following statements

My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you and receiving approval from you. Your struggles affect my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain. My mental attention is focused on pleasing, protecting or manipulating you to do it my way. Solving your problems and relieving your pain bolsters my self-esteem. Because I feel you are a reflection of me, you're clothing and personal appearance is dictated by my desires. Your behavior is dictated by my desires. I am not aware of how I feel.

I am aware of how you feel. I am not aware of what I want. I ask you what you want. If I am not aware of something, I assume. (I don't ask or verify it in some other way.) The dreams I have for my future are linked to you. My fear of your anger and rejection determines what I say or do. In our relationship I use giving as a way of feeling safe. As I involve myself with you, my social circle diminishes. To connect with you, I put my values aside. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own. The quality of my life depends on the quality of yours.

--Author unknown.Circulated by Co-Dependents Anonymous

What if I want couples counseling but my partner won’t come?

It has been proven that when only one partner agrees to attend counseling it is beneficial to the couple’s relationship. The client learns communication skills, to problem solve, to acquire new coping skills and achieve personal growth. After awhile their partner may agree to come to counseling also.
Love: The will to extend oneself for the spiritual growth of self and another.
Love and self-esteem have one major thing in common. They both require a lot of discipline and hard work. People often think that love and self-esteem just happen, that they are not responsible for nurturing these aspects of their lives. The opposite is true.

Answer the following questions and see if you are nurturing your relationships, relationships that include your past, present and future. Also, are you increasing your self-esteem with thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are positive and truthful?

How do you nurture YOURSELF ? Your significant other ? How do they nurture you ? What are you willing to give up for them ? Why ? Are you generally happy with this person ?

Are you a caretaker ? A people pleaser ? What do you require from yourself to be happy ? From others ? Are you addicted to men, women, food, gambling, spending, sex, or substances ? What have you done to address your addiction ? Heightening self-esteem takes action.

You may want to write a ‘Y’ (Yes) next to the ones you do well and an ‘N’ (Not yet) next to the ones that need attention.

I make decisions and follow through. I begin goal-setting strategies. I take initiative, even if all alone in my efforts. I state my opinions clearly, but also listen to others. I am not
judgmental, prejudiced or over-bearing.
I can set personal limits on my time, energy and money. I express anger appropriately and let others express theirs. I am learning to be flexible. I can support others without wanting a ‘pay-back’.

I don’t mind asking for help. I understand that there can be a friendship between a man and woman and not always mean there has to be sexual connotations. I participate in community affairs and am aware of national events and world affairs. I do not manipulate others.

Sandra Farrell Director
Counseling For Today's Issues
39 Nobska Road
Mashpee, Cape Cod , MA , 02649
508 873 2132